Back at it again with the Sexual Abuse, huh

Forgot if I mentioned this stuff the last time I posted a journal but LAST TIME ON DRAGON BALL Z
I had a boyfriend that would try to kill himself if I didn't "show him some skin". He cheated on me three times in our year and two months together. I hate the fact that he's my longest relationship. In between then and now, I tried to move on but met someone who wasn't looking into dating but he would threaten to kill himself if I didn't do the things I did before. The only real difference between person A and person B is that person was going to try to frame me. This went for six months before a friend of mine (who told me my ex was cheating on me) asked to borrow my SIM card. Scared that the police could track my number, I asked him if the police could do that. He didn't answer my question and demanded to know why I'd ask such a thing. I'm not sure how he feels about me but I got scared nonetheless and told him. Glad I did because he got me out of that jam. Turns out, this was called sexual and emotional abuse. I remember when I went to counseling because everyone advised it of me. If I recall correctly, nothing really happened. "What do you feel about it?" They probably were looking for "used, abused, etc." but I said "relieved".
So, the "again" part is the exboyfriend. Here's the thing: he knows I need money. My friend knows I need money, especially after my car broke down. It was mainly to get my parents alright. They're not broke or anything but it's a long story that kind of makes me wish I could tell them that I was doing drugs. I've never done any and they have so if they quiz me on what a buzz is like, I'm outa luck. What I did made my dad pin me to the table in such a way that had me screaming uncontrollably (maybe there's a part of the spine that does that? It wouldn't have hurt otherwise). After my mom was yelling at my dad, who said he was looking for drugs in my eyes which I told her that I deserved, she locked herself in the bathroom for about half an hour. This was after my suicide attempt so..I was worried like crazy but couldn't find the words to say. Even my tears just accepted she isn't coming back out. I'd have to drop out to get a job for my decade unemployed father and legally retarded brother. She came back out. I already try really hard not to ask her for anything because I'm always thankful for her being around.
ANYWAY, back to the "again" part, the exboyfriend asked me to do pictures and videos "like we used to". I hesitated but figured even if I'm busted at this point, I am going to eventually need money again. He promised me a grand. I kept doing what he said for hours and got nothing. He kept saying I wasn't good enough. Eventually, my friend found out about all this and made him give me $150. Not bad I suppose. I didn't know what my body was worth. My friend sent messages to him, accusing him of mentally and sexually abusing me. At first, I thought it was a bit harsh since this was technically an agreed upon transaction but he was also referring to the cheating and such from before. He told him that I felt used. That was true some years ago. He claimed he wanted to be a better person. I thought he was the same person and I wasn't going to crawl back into a relationship with him, despite his advice to ditch everyone and go to live with him. I'm flattered that my friend called me his best friend and that he would be there for me. Every time I hear that, it feels so distant, which I guess is better than being told it all the time and having it mean nothing. I suppose it comes with a sense of sincerity that way instead of a tossed around phrase.
So I guess I'm supposed to feel something. I almost feel no different than when I found out he cheated on me again. I think I shouldn't feel something, especially given that it's my third time around this, and I don't know why I'm still processing it and starting to feel things about it. I guess it's defeat. Grades plummeting doesn't help and my parents are already asking me about graduation when I basically don't have a major. This feeling might be coming from the fact that I had to resort to this. The money was moreso for my parents than it was for me. Only reason I would care for having money right now is for having Christmas presents, and having my car light fixed. I'm pretty much stuck thinking "now what? Why am I still caring about this?"